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FreeBetrayed by my heart,
I sit alone, sad and broken.
Where once there was love and hope,
Now there is only chaos and confusion.
Hatred and loathing run through my veins,
And I wish that it would all go away.
My heart disappears further into my chest,
Trying to hide itself from the pain it has caused.
Each time I think of my life,
I cringe and my eyes burn with tears of misery.
I don't know how to love anymore,
I don't know how to live.
The pain inside becomes unbearable,
And I am overwhelmed.
I feel myself slip away,
Further and further away from reality.
My grip loosens,
And I fall.
I fall deep into the abyss of emptiness,
From where there is no return.
I look around to find a sign of life,
But there is none.
There is nothing to be seen,
Only darkness, emptiness, loneliness.
I am alone,
All have left me.
There is no hope,
There is no life.
And my misery.
I turn my face toward the heavens,
A single pinhole of light shines.
Another twinkles in the corner of my eye,
Until the sky
Teenage TaoismGiving birth is the closest I’d ever felt to dying.
Before that, my near death experiences had consisted only of my silent announcement of pregnancy—silent, being that my social media accounts were all deleted almost simultaneously and I never returned to school in the fall, saying without really saying that I had caught the malicious disease of “teenage pregnancy”. I’m sure the whisper spread in the hallways like the Bubonic Plague. That September, sitting at home on what would have been the first day of my senior year, I imagined friends I’d never talk to again saying “she was only seventeen, and so full of life!” at my absence in the cafeteria tables, as if they were attending my funeral instead of talking about me behind my back.
"Full of life," I had snorted then, folding a never ending stream of what had once been my own baby clothes. "Literally."
I walked around like a zombie for the months of my pregnancy, deciding t
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